The Diary of Me (Working Title, Will Change)
by MsManda-D
Summary: She's broken, he's barely healed, but will he be the one to heal her? Neither are looking for anything, but will they find everything in each other? Impractical Jokers and OC. Sal Vulcano Brian Quinn James Murray Murr Joe Gatto Told through Katie's journal entries and life.
1. Journal Entry, My Story

Sunday 3-20-16

Last night changed me forever I think. It really all started Friday night, the changes. My boyfriend and I had decided then that a break would be the best thing for us right then. As if that wasn't enough to kill me. If I was honest though the issues with us had been going on for a good month at this point and his work had taken over his life. So a break happened. Was I foolish to think that there was still some boundaries that we would maintain, even if technically we were separated?

Last night though was his birthday party, well one of them, and he was sharing it with one of his best friends since their birthdays were right next to each other. I wasn't really bitter so I went. Or maybe I went because I still love the damn man. Either way I really wish I'd have stayed home.

My best friend, Jay, went with me. I am pretty damn thankful we worked through the issues in our lives and had reconnected and I am beyond proud of her and all she's gotten past, but that's a story for another day. Anyway, we were dancing and I looked over at my ex (he is my ex if we're taking a break right?) and he's dancing with some other girl. It wasn't hard to see that she was younger than me. Prettier, skinnier than me. I recognized her. She was a singer that had always been a "celebrity crush" for him. His high profile career in the NFL made it easy to land people like her for his party. It was just a dance though, no big deal. Until I watched him lean down, so naturally, and kiss her, and her just as naturally return his kiss. He pull back smiling and his lips moved with words that I couldn't hear. There was a rushing wind in my head, my ears, as I watched. Then he kissed her again and his arms went around her lower waist. This time when their lips parted he took her hand and led her out of the room, out of the building. It was the last time I saw him that night.

My heart shattered. Yes, we were on a break, but if he really loved me would he of done that? Especially knowing that I was there, that I could see? My head said no, even as all of the pieces of my heart screamed and fought for him. I'd left with Jay and come back to the beach house that we rented. That was when his phone "butt dialed" me. I heard him and the thin, curly haired blond. There was no question at all as to what they were doing. But he loved me, right?

"Forget him." Oh if only it were so easy.

My old friend Thomas was in town, visiting Jay, who happened to be his niece. He stopped as he was passing through to his beach house down the way. He'd always been something special to me, in my life, from day one. A friend. A shoulder. An ear. And at one point he had even been a lover. Tonight in my pain and heartache, he became all of that again.

This morning I woke up with my head pounding, hangover style, yet I'd not drank. I felt so alone, broken, and just out of love. I rolled over and there was Thomas. So maybe I wasn't alone, but I knew in that morning sun that I had lost a piece of me that wasn't coming back. A break? No, more like just plain broken. Shattered. The phone call I wasn't meant to get still echoed loudly in my ears. Not so much the sounds of the lovemaking, but the actual words that I had heard spoken.

I had told Jay about the call, but I'd left out the words. I couldn't explain just how they had affected me. I felt emptier now than I had ever felt. I was gutted.

"No more stolen texts or calls or nights and weekends."

All those business calls and the trips… they hadn't been business at all.

I spent today with Jay, distracting myself from yet another failure in love. She was trying to convince me to go to New York with her and her friend Brian tomorrow morning. He was a part of this comedy thing with some of his friends. She had me watching their show on the television and I had to admit it was hilarious. Even still, I'm not sure about going. For now I was laughing, real laughter, not forced or fake. I needed this. And I needed to figure out if I was going to New York or not. There was a wrestling show in Philly tomorrow night too, and that would be fun. I used to work as a photographer for them, and I missed that part of my life. Maybe going was a good idea. Maybe I could start getting back to me. Till tomorrow, I'm going laugh at these jokers on the TV and work on the forgetting.

XOXO- Katie

Monday 3-21-16

Well here I am, on this plane, New York bound. Jay and Brian had talked last night apparently. They want to try talking, to take their friendship past the friendship. I'm happy for her. She deserves it really. They'd been friends long enough too, and even though there was an age gap, I thought they would be great together. Besides, happiness shouldn't be based on a number.

He has filming to do when we land so me and Jay are headed out to indulge in some retail therapy before we head out to Philadelphia for wrestling. He was a big wrestling fan too so he was going with us. Jay spent the day teasing me after I'd slipped last night and told her that I thought one of his friends on the show was cute. Yes, he was cute, but I was most definitely not looking for anything right now. I was hesitant to even meet anyone. I think I'm just in a place where I just, I don't trust men. They're all just like politicians, telling you what you want to hear while they campaign, sucking you in, and getting your vote. Then once they get elected to office they start to show you all those promises were nothing more than lies, the biggest one being that they were different than the rest. I really don't know right now if I'll ever be okay enough to open up to a relationship again. You can only be broken so many times ya know.

Well this plane is landing, so till then…

XOXO-Katie

Monday Night 3-21-16

What a day! Back at Brian's house, he's being nice enough to allow me to crash here tonight. The wrestling show was awesome. It brought back a lot of good time from my history with the company and seeing people who I missed was wonderful. I'd been giving a lot of thought on going back to work with them lately and talked to them about it all tonight even.

"There's always a spot for you here Katie. The camera is waiting."

So, there was that.

I try to not think about this past weekend. It hurts. Bad. Beyond bad really. I guess I'm taking on the attitude of getting it over it all by ignoring it and not giving it my thoughts. I just need it to start working.

Brian's friends are over. They have filming and a live show tomorrow so they came by to rehearse. I'm in my room. I'm just not ready to be around people, to meet new people and try to pretend that my life is okay. But I have a TV and the guys show thankfully. I need to laugh so that I don't completely break.

XOXO- Katie


	2. Chapter 1

Chapt. 1

I heard the laughter in the living room. I should probably be out there, but I'm just not ready for that. I just hope that Jay understands. She says she does. I had to pee but didn't want to leave the room and risk anyone questioning why I wasn't joining the group. I didn't want to have to answer that. Finally I ran for it, getting there and back without being noticed. I felt pretty damn foolish but it was just where I was in life.

"I really wish you'd come out of there, at least say hello."

I read the text and sighed. Not tonight. I just couldn't. I text her and told her I just wasn't up to it and asked her to bring me a soda. A few minutes later I heard a knock on my door and jumped up to go grab the drink. I wasn't expecting the tall, dark haired man standing there holding it. I was going to kill her. She'd sent Sal, the one who I had told her was cute, with the damn drink instead of bringing it herself. I must have looked like an idiot standing there, stuttering and tripping over words just to say thank you. He smiled and said you're welcome much smoother than my jumbled words had come out. I nodded and slid back into the room, easing the door shut as he walked down the hall.

Picking up my phone I text her. "Why did you do that!"

"Do what?" I could just see her little innocent look. I shook my head and laughed a bit.

"Ugh damn it all he's even more beautiful in person Jay. It's so not fair." I pressed send and sat the phone down on the bed beside me, turning back to watch the show.

JAY

"So, today the guys are filming and I thought we could go down and watch a bit."

"Okay," Katie said. I wondered if she heard the hesitation in her voice. I knew she was going through hell, and I really just wanted to bash her ex's face in. He'd sworn he wouldn't hurt her intentionally, and he'd done just that. She said it wasn't worth it, but I disagree. For her though, I let it go. No sense in bringing her more hurt or stress about the situation.

"Okay then. So how about we go grab some lunch and head to the studio?" She nodded and I smiled at her. "You look adorable by the way."

"It's a sweater, scarf, and jeans. Nothing too cute. Standard at best."

I just smiled and shook my head. She really couldn't see how beautiful she was, and I wondered how much of it had to do with her shitty ex-boyfriend. I'd noticed a difference in her, one that had crept in slowly since she'd began talking to him all those months ago, but she had never spoke of bad times until recently, so I had to believe that things had been okay. "You're beautiful though, so that alone makes you far from standard babe." She smiled at me. A smile that didn't reach her eyes. My heart broke for her, knowing that hers was still breaking over that jerk.

We rode in silence to a corner café. They were a dime a dozen it seemed, but this one was really good. We ordered our food and walked out to the tables on the sidewalk and took a seat beneath a tree for some shade. "So, you're sure you're up to this today? I mean, going to watch the show being taped and meeting the guys and all."

She nodded slowly as she sipped her water. I don't think she'd yet taken a bite of the salad that she had only toyed with. "I'll be okay for it I think. I can't stay cooped up forever."

I nodded as I finished up my salad. "You want me to go grab you a to-go box for that salad?"

"No, no that's okay. Thank you though."

I didn't say anything as I picked up our trays and dumped them before we headed to the car. I worried about my friend, and she didn't want that so I tried to not show it, but the concern was there. Again, we drove silently the three blocks to where the guys were filming. We parked and headed in. I was proud of her for coming out with me, even though I knew she was hesitant still. I hoped this would be good for her, that I wasn't pushing her to fast.

The crew had just called a break as we walked in. Brian walked over and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. I inhaled his scent, he always smelled so good to me. Then I pulled back and smiled up at him. I didn't want to be too couple looking, if that made sense, and have it hurt Katie more, with her relationship just ending and all.

"So, I told the guys about us, you know, deciding to try out this whole couple thing. They're all really cool with it."

I sighed in relief. "I'm glad. I was worried that the age gap might be an issue." I had known Brian two years now. I had met him at a show they had done one night and the friendship with him and the rest of the guys had been instantaneous. Over the years those feelings had intensified but I think we both fought it because he was twice my age, but then it hit me. Age is such a silly thing when two people care as much as we do.

"I think they know us well enough that age didn't even cross their minds."

I couldn't hide my smile. "I'll be back okay? I need to go introduce her around."

I turned and smiled at Katie. "So, you know Brian, come on with me and I'll introduce you to the rest." I took her hand and we walked over to the long table where Joe and Murray sat eating. "So guys, this is my best friend Katie. Katie, this is Joe and James, but we all just call him Murray, or Murr."

I watched Katie slide on that smile that no one would realize was fake, except me anyway, and extend her hand to Joe. "Hi guys, it's so nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you all." I couldn't help but notice that Murray held onto her hand a little longer. His eyes lingered on hers and his smile was slow, but easy. I knew already that he was interested in her.

We walked back over to where Brian was sitting and found Sal sitting there with him. They were talking about their podcast when we sat down. "Katie, this is Sal," I said smiling. I saw a light blush creep up into her cheeks. I knew in watching the show with her that she had really taken a liking to him. That was the thing about the show too, what you saw there was a pretty accurate description of what you got when the cameras turned off.

Sal turned to face her, flashing his smile her way. "We've met," he said with a small wink. The light blush on her cheeks deepened to a bright shade of red.

"Well, um, kind of, yes. You uh, my drink…" I don't think that I had ever seen my friend stumble over her words like she was right now.

Sal laughed. "Yes, your drink. Dr. Pepper right?" Katie nodded and looked down to her feet. "Oh, well, would you look? I just have this extra drink I grabbed, and it happens to be a Dr. Pepper." I watched as he grinned at her as he passed the cold can to her.

"Thank you," she said taking the soda. Her eyes stayed down, but I could make out her small smile. This one, I thought, wasn't so fake.

SAL

Something about Katie, I don't know what, but something about that damn woman had creeped up under my skin. Not in a bad way really, unless you took in the fact that I had no desire to be interested in anyone at all at this point in my life. I had learned my lesson in relationships. You met the girl, you loved the girl, and then you hurt because of the girl. I wasn't doing that again. My heart was just back to a functioning state of repair, no need to risk a break down again. But there was something…

Maybe it was in her eyes. The way that they told a story, but, it wasn't the whole story. More like the summary that you'd read on the back cover of a book, one that gave you a skimming overview of what was inside, but then when you opened it up and started to read you realized that it barely touched the story at all. Maybe it was her smile, well, what there was of it. It's like she was scared to really smile and I couldn't help but wonder why. Whatever it was, she had my attention and I knew that the friendship was about to be in full force.

"So, Brian, I know Jay has talked to you. What's Katie's story?"

"What do you mean?"

I sighed and shook my head. He was dense sometimes. "Her past Q. What's going on with her?"

He shrugged. "I really don't know a lot about her to be honest. I know she's single. Her boyfriend was a real dick to her I guess, or he cheated or some shit and they're done. Just happened last weekend. She's still pretty crushed. I think they were engaged. So, don't go getting any ideas because I don't think she's out to find anyone new."

"Whoa, and you think I'm looking? Hell no man, I ain't looking for anything at all. I don't want a relationship with anyone and you know that."

Brian smirked and walked away. What the hell was that supposed to mean. Idiot. I was most definitely not out for a girlfriend or anything of the sort. He of all people knew that. Shaking my head, I grabbed my bag and headed for the door. I was done filming for the day so I was headed home to work on some material for a few solo shows I had coming up. I saw Jay and Katie walking out the door about the time I turned the corner.

"Hey, wait up, Katie, hi," I called out. "So I just wanted to tell you that it was nice meeting you officially today. You gonna be hanging around a while or you taking off?"

Again her eyes looked down, like she was scared to look at me, scared I'd see the hurt she was holding onto. If I was honest I was scared to see it. Scared to see that much of me in her eyes. "I um, I'll be hanging around a while."

I couldn't help but smile. She was timid. Shy maybe. "I'd love to hang out, all of us or whatever. Just let me know if you ever wanna just chill or something okay?" I saw her nod before she turned and walked out the door into the bright New York sunlight. Funny how it could be so bright and happy looking, yet so cold. Painfully cold sometimes.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapt. 2

KATIE

I couldn't believe I had said that I'd be hanging around awhile. What was I thinking? I had no intentions at all to hang around this city past the week's end. I was only here that long because Brian had booked me a ridiculously expensive hotel room for the week.

"He was totally flirting with you, even if he wasn't trying to, that's what he did."

I wasn't sure how long Jay had been talking but those were the first words to break through. "Psht, one, he's definitely not interested. Two, I'm not looking for anything at all when it comes to men. I'm not mentally or emotionally, much less physically, available. Three, I'm pretty damn certain he's gay, as much as that sucks."

Jay burst out laughing. Apparently something I had said struck her as humorous. "Why in the world do you think that Sal is gay?"

"Um, hello? I've seen the show! He does that far too well."

She was still laughing as she cranked the car and backed out of the lot. "Katie, I can promise you that he is most definitely NOT gay."

I just shook my head and stared out the window as we drove through the city. It was cloudy, the sky looked almost as if it was pissed off. No sooner than that thought had crossed my mind, and before the first raindrop assaulted the windshield, the roar of the thunder partnered with a violent slice of lightening, making me jump in my seat. I looked over to Jay, knowing how storms had always terrified her. The knuckles of her hands were white as chalk as she tightened her grip on the steering wheel. We were about a block away from the hotel and I was actually glad.

"Why don't you park and come in? Keep me company and all while we ride out this storm?"

She flashed me a grateful smile and nodded her head as we pulled up to the front of the hotel. The valet took the keys and my room number so that he could park the car and have my bags brought up. I hadn't seen the room yet, but judging by the lobby, and the elevator we stepped into, it was going to be overly lavish. I fought off the groan of agony at the thought. I was in no way a lavish type of girl at all. I liked things simple and southern.

We ended up having to switch elevators, because the first only went up to the fifth floor. You had to have a special pass to get any further on the secured elevator. What the hell is this fancy shit, I thought to myself. We stepped off of the elevator and I only saw two doors on the entire floor. We walked to one and Jay opened it slowly, letting me walk in first. To call it a room was a pretty misleading. Hell to call it a suite would have been misleading. It was a four room home, complete with a full kitchen and dining room, sitting at the top of a hotel.

"Jay, this is entirely too much," I said turning to her, shaking my head. "Can't he get his money back?"

"No ma'am. Consider this our gift to you doll. A get away from the hell you've had to deal with these last two weeks."

As I parted the curtains, I opened my mouth to protest, but the view, even in the darkness of the storm, was stealing my breath. I could see so much of New York, right here in this space that was mine. It was stunning.

"Wow," I whispered. "This is beautiful."

Jay nodded from my side and passed me a bottle of water. "It is a beautiful city. I think you'd really love it here if you gave it a chance. By the way, your kitchen is fully stocked too. I know how you love to cook and all. Oh! And they have a pasta maker, so you can make your own, fresh from scratch."

I glanced her way in awe as I headed to the kitchen area. She was right, I really did love to cook and this kitchen was any cooks dream. It was the kind of kitchen that you did cooking shows in really. Two ovens, six burners, and an island with a built in cutting board. Then, sitting on the end of the island, a bright and shiny, top of the line pasta maker. I couldn't wait to put it to work. I couldn't wait to fire up the stove, to get in this kitchen and…

My mental kitchen tour was cut short when my cell phone vibrated. It was a number that I didn't recognize but when I opened the message up I fought the smile that threatened my face.

"Who's that texting you, putting that grin on your face?"

I hadn't realized that the smile had won, and been so obvious. "Um, it's uh, well, Sal."

Her eyebrows shot up and she smirked. "Oh yeah?"

"Mhmm. Apparently Brian gave him my number."

"Is that okay with you?"

I just shrugged. "It's okay, I guess. I mean it's not as if I am interested so, I mean, it's just whatever." I saw her look and sat the phone down on the island. "Okay, let's get this straight. I do not want a relationship, which means no matchmaking from you or Brian. I don't want to be set up. I just want to be with me, myself, and I. We clear?"

She nodded, almost in a salute manner. I smiled, pleased that I had gotten my point across as I looked through the fridge, hungry and eager to work in this beautiful kitchen. With my head in the icebox, I heard Jay start reading the text that I had only partially skimmed.

"Hey, grabbed your number from Q, I hope that you don't mind. It was great to formally meet you today. The offer to hang out stands, whenever you want. We have a show tonight. I know Jay is coming, maybe you would like to come as well?"

I turned and gave Jay a look that plainly said no. Did she listen? No. Of course not. She smiled broadly and turned to answer the door. It was my luggage and she rolled it to the master bedroom and I could hear her unzipping the suitcase. She was actually going through my bag, looking for me something to wear to this show that I hadn't even said I was going to.

I walked to the doorway and cleared my throat. She looked up and held up a sweater and jeans. "These would look wonderful! How about I cook dinner and you shower and get ready to go?"

I couldn't help but laugh. She was so confident that I was going to go, and really I hated to kill her excitement. "Fine, I'll go, but I am cooking in that kitchen. I showered this morning and a messy ponytail will be just fine."

JAY

"So, she's agreed to come tonight. She's in her room, finishing up getting ready and we will be on the way."

"Okay, I can't wait to see you. I miss you, it's been a long day without you."

How had I ended up with such a wonderful man? This guy, he loved me and only wanted me. He told me daily I was beautiful and how I made his life a little brighter. I wasn't used to who he was, and I was scared that I was going to screw it up.

"Anyway, so Murray has been asking about her. He's taken with her already. Talks about her like a man with a teenaged crush."

I giggled. "Oh yeah? What's he saying?"

I could hear Brian chuckling on the other end of the line. "How her smile is just wonderful, it stole his breath and her eyes and gosh golly gee Quinn, did ya see how the light reflected off her hair?" He was laughing at himself now. I was laughing with him. I could actually picture Murray going all Wally Cleaver on things.

I heard Katie's door click closed and I looked up and saw her walking out. "Okay babe, Katie is ready so we will be on our way in just a few minutes. See you soon."

"Alright then, I'll see you two ladies soon."

I hung up and turned back to smile at my friend. She'd changed clothes again. This made the third time she had changed her outfit completely. "You ready beautiful?"

Katie nodded. "I don't know about beautiful, but I'm ready. Do I look okay?"

"Perfect," I said with a smile. She did look great too, I wasn't just feeding her lines. If only she could see herself like everyone else did. She was wearing a cute skirt and sweater with cowboy boots. She was in her element and looked comfortable. She had let her go with the natural curls, leaving it down. I could tell though; she was nervous to be going out. I'd have to buy her a drink to try to ease those nerves. I wanted her to be able to relax and let loose tonight.

The ten-minute ride to the venue was tripled in time thanks to New York City traffic. The one shitty part to living in the city was the damn traffic. I had hoped that we could get there in time to see Brian before the show. At this point we walked in and got to the table reserved for us near the stage with barely five minutes before the show was scheduled to start. No sooner than we sat down did a waitress approached us with a drink in each of her hands.

"Compliments of Mr. Quinn," she said as she sat my drink down in front of me. Turning to Katie, she sat the other drink down and slid a folded piece of paper toward her without a single word. She turned and walked away. Katie and I exchanged a confused look and I nodded toward the paper. She looked down and picked it up.

I watched her unfold it and read it slowly. A blush filled her cheeks and her a smile found her. I wouldn't say that it was a full smile, so my bet was that the note wasn't from Sal. "What's it say?" She slid the paper toward me as she sipped the drink.

"Heard you were coming, enjoy the show. I hope you don't mind if I buy you a drink. Maybe I can say hello between sets? J. Murray" He had even left her his cell number I noticed.

"Nice," I smiled as I slid the paper back to her. She shrugged as she smiled and slipped the paper into her purse. As she did the lights dimmed and the show started.

I really loved watching Brian working, the rest of the guys too. They truly enjoyed what they were doing and they played off of each other so well. Of course, after knowing each other and being so close for so long, that was to be expected. They loved each other like they were family and the chemistry was obvious.

I noticed that Katie was laughing the entire time. I was so glad that she was able to, if only for a few hours tonight, escaping reality. I couldn't help but notice both Sal and Murray kept looking her way, smiling at her, giving her attention. I wonder if she noticed that at all.

KATIE

I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed so hard. I" spent the whole show wiping the tears of laughter away. It was so refreshing, so nice to be genuinely happy. It had also been far too long since I had been the focus of a man's attention as well. That hadn't gone unnoticed. The irony that I now had it and yet didn't want it all wasn't lost on me. I'd been hurt one too many times at this point in my life to risk that pain again.

"This seat taken?" His voice interrupted my thoughts and I found myself thankful for the distraction as I smiled up at him.

"Well, I guess it is now. Thank you for the drink by the way."

Murray smiled at me as he sat. "Of course. Can I get you another?" I nodded and he waved the waitress over and ordered us each a drink before turning back to me. "So, you're Jay's friend that we've all been hearing about for so long. What took you so long to come around?"

I smiled and shrugged. "Life, I guess, but I'm here now, right? Better late than never."

HE chuckled and it was a nice noise in my ears. He had a warm, genuine laugh. "Life, you say? Sure it wasn't all the men fighting for a few minutes of a pretty lady's time?"

I giggled. Oh dear God. I giggled. Not only that, but I was playing with my damn hair. I forced my hands to the table and was relieved when the waitress returned with our drinks.

"If it's at all possible, I think you're even more beautiful when you laugh. I feel like you don't do that nearly enough." He smiled and I looked down at my drink. He was right. I didn't laugh too much these days. When I looked back up, he had his glass raised in a toast, so I raised mine up to meet with his. "Here's to new people walking into our lives with the sole purpose of making them better and making the days brighter. To new beginnings and new friends," he said as he clicked his glass against mine and taking a drink.

We talked a little longer and he excused himself to get ready for the next set. Brian and Sal stood from the table behind where I sat and headed to prepare for the set too. Sal's hand brushed my elbow and I felt a shock. I looked up and saw him smiling down at me.

"I'm glad you decided to come out to night." He leaned down and whispered near my ear, "Of course, I'd figure you for a whiskey kinda girl." He stood back up and winked down at me with that dimpled smile of his as he walked away. I felt my face flush hot and had to admit that he wasn't wrong.

Jay took the seat that Murray had just been in and nudged me. "You and Murr seemed to hit it off."

"He's a really nice guy. Funny. He could be a good friend."

"Mhmm. I'm sure that he would like to get to know you."

Ugh, I groaned inwardly. Why could no one understand that I did not want a relationship of any kind? I was no good for a guy in my current emotional condition. I was damaged, in every way possible.

Thankfully, at that moment, the lights dimmed and the second set started. I could escape again from all that hurt.

SAL

I had thought that the second set tonight would never end. I was determined to get to Katie before Murr this time. I just wanted to talk to her, to hear what she was willing to tell me. I walked off the stage, straight toward her, when the set was done.

"So, hey there." God, really Sal? How fucking lame could I be?

"Hi yourself," she smiled. She really did have a beautiful smile. "Oh, well, um, thank you." Shit. I'd said it out loud.

"Um, you hungry? We could grab us a booth, order some food… talk?"

"A little I guess." Her stomach growled loudly. "Okay, a lot," she laughed.

I led her over to a back corner booth where I was a little quieter and we sat. When the waitress came over I ordered her a Jack and Dr. Pepper, pleased at her approving smile. We both ordered some burgers, fries, and onion rings and settled in.

Two hours later I knew that she was not wanting to get involved, she had been hurt far more than anyone should ever be, and that her laugh was addicting. I knew that she really just wanted to escape and make herself a new life, one that was free from pain and idiots who couldn't appreciate her. I also wondered if she ate like she should after the way she had eaten like she hadn't in days tonight. Hell, I admired a woman with a good appetite though.

The bar was closing. Jay had headed out with Brian earlier and Katie had told Jay she would get a cab. Being raised how I was, I just wasn't comfortable with that. "So, I guess we lost track of time huh?"

She yawned and stretched her arms above her head, making her sweater lift and threaten to show a slim slit of skin. "I guess so."

"How about I give you a ride back to your hotel? It's on my way home so it's no big deal."

I saw her hesitation and knew she was thinking I was one of those guys who had one thing on his mind. "Katie, look, I'm not out for anything at all. I'm not the guy who hooks up. I don't want a relationship any more than you do. I just want to explore a friendship if you're up to that. All I want, my only intention is to make sure that you get back to the hotel safe and sound. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less." Was that relief I saw on her face?

Finally, she nodded. "Well, okay then."

Seemed like it was much too soon however that I was saying goodnight as I dropped her off. Already I was looking forward to any excuse that would allow me to spend time with her again. She made great conversation and she laughed at my idiot jokes. The ones that weren't even funny.


	4. Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

How silly, at my age, to do a diary thing huh? A journal is more appropriate, but nope, here I am, all Dear Diary. Oh well, it is what it is, right?

Today went better than I had expected. This house on a hotel Brian and Jay have put me up in is ridiculous. Nice, but ridiculous. There are columns. Inside. What. The. Hell.

Went to the guys show. Two sets. I laughed till I cried. It felt so good to just forget the problems that brought me here and be able to laugh. Like cheap but oh so effective therapy. Murray bought me two drinks and we got a chance to talk some. He's super sweet and easy on the eyes, but, I'm off limits.

Sal bought me dinner. I actually ate and felt comfortable doing it. He didn't make me feel like a damn cow for finishing a meal. He drove me "home" after. He's seriously hot, but again, I am off limits. Too bad I think, because somehow these guys seem different. The bad ones always ruin it for the good ones.

Anyway. I'm exhausted. Bed now, shopping tomorrow. Cause I mean when you're in NYC you shop. Right?

Til then…

XoXo

Katie.


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